Should I post my ugly pissed-off photos? The photos of me or JH after an argument? The photos of Nick after he cried because he is homesick for America? The photos of me looking like a fat pig in my bathing suit regardless of how I photo-shop it?
Should I post stories about how miserable I am in Norway (still some days) hating this stupid culture and missing my family and friends and job in the US? I don't know, maybe I should. Would it make the people who have criticized me for having a "wonderful and privileged life" feel better to know I have a lot of misery and pain?
I had someone close to me say that my life (mine???) is so easy, that I always I come out on top. Well life is a bowl of cherries for someone, but it ain't for me. I bust my ass to make my marriage successful. I am not the nicest person in the world and I sure as hell am not the easiest person to live with. I am negative, mean, spiteful and ugly...a lot.
I am middle age, fat, have congestive heart failure, asthma, weak spine from a failed spinal fusion, bad joints, nerve damage and I am a little OCD.
For a long time I din't like my job...I hated Norway, and I was a miserable mess. But, everyday I got out of bed, put a smile on my face, greeted my husband and son with love and patience, and went forth trying to make to the next day.
Do I have a fabulous husband, an incredible son, a job that pays me way too much money, a loving family, a great house, lots of friends, and many amazing life experiences...yep.
Do JH and I still have $20,000 in student loans...yes. Do I have a lot of nerve pain...yes, daily.
I worked hard to get a masters degree while working full-time and I was pregnant. I fought my way into a management position at a young age by working harder than everyone else, working longer than everyone else.
So what the hell?
Is my life rosy and easy...nope. I work hard. I work hard to make my marriage happy, my son a good person and to keep my self mentally stable (from not being depressed because I miss America and everything in it). Life isn't easy. It is not easy at all. I realize I am so richly rewarded. So if my photos of lots of world travel, doing exciting things and enjoying life looks incredible...well, it is. I work hard, I deserve it. I studied my ass off, I make good money, I am not afraid to take chances and I take each day...one by one. I keep trying and trying...even when it hurts to try.
Okay, there. I said it. I feel better. Stop envying me. If your life sucks...do something about it. Don't whine to me...I don't care. If you care, do something about it...I do everyday...and it isn't easy, but it is worth it.
